For years, I’ve been yearning.
To feel a sense of closeness to Him. For being tested, just to know I’m loved.
To know, if I’m loved by the One I adore so much.
I’ve been drowning in the grief of realising the unworthiness of this life and this Dunya, and the increasing desire for Jannah…the real deal. Been wondering, will I ever be an extra-ordinary slave of Him, or just simply be.
Except until a few days ago, while sitting alone near His blessed house and contemplating over His countless blessings over me right from my birth to this very breath that I take… Unfathomable and Uncountable blessings from the Almighty; Humility overpowers me and I’m overwhelmed with the feeling to make more supplications, yet I can’t ask for more, before thanking Him enough.
And then I wonder in awe, ‘why me?’
Amidst the young orphans, the homes that were wrecked, the bodies that were born paralyzed, the school children whose schools were bombed, the underprivileged with meager sustenance, the healthy new borns with a brain damage, the unintelligent, the children whose parents worked in the streets day and night, those whose new clothes were only the discarded ones of the rich, youth who slept hungry, fasted with no food to break their fasts, and amidst those who didn’t know Islam- the truth, the ones who slept and woke up living a systematic life with no purpose, those who were blessed with the Dunya and not the Deen, those who had the Qur’an but only in their shelves and amidst….this unjust world; He raised me. Not deprived like the ones above, but differently and beautifully. Deprived (or rather ‘tested’) in some things, but given most; Unlike the ones above. He granted me so much I never asked for. And most of all, if He granted me the desire to see Him and yearn for His love, wasn’t it the greatest of blessings to be thankful for already?
And that…. Was sufficient. To look back at what I’ve been yearning for. I AM extraordinary in the simplest of ways He’s given me or deprived of me. AND SO ARE WE ALL. And so are those in the above mentioned, too… Alhamdulillah..
I always thought Maryam AS said this for herself when she replied to Zachariah that the fruits she had were from Allah swt. Indeed they were. But her statement was so general- “She said, ‘It is from Allah. Indeed, Allah provides for whom He wills without account.’” [Qur’an 3:37] ” إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَرْزُقُ مَنْ يَشَاءُ بِغَيْرِ حِسَابٍ ”
Need I say more?
Indeed, Allah provides for whom He wills without account… Indeed, Allah provides for whom He wills without measure.. [Qur’an 3:37]
[May Allah make us of them]