When the sky cracked open

Suddenly the sky broke apart (I say ‘sky’ because really, you couldn’t see any clouds!) and it rained. So so heavily; it flooded our tent. As I stood there drenched in just 5 mins, facing the sky while the rain drops wash my face, praying and crying; I smile.

I look around to see the joy on everyone’s face and everyone’s crying but also full of joy; exclaiming that this is the first time it rained on the day of Arafah in years! And it was just scorching heat 5 mins ago! So scorching the whole day (the whole week even), that we had to use spray bottles constantly to cool the air and drink lots of Zamzam to ensure we didn’t faint!

But the rain… it was magical. Miraculous. Beautiful. Just… out of this world.

It MADE us believe that if on a normal summer day in the middle of a scorching desert, Allah can send us heavy heavy rain, then splitting the moon, splitting the sea, drowning a nation, lifting the mountains, or anything unimaginable as a matter of fact, was definitely possible too.

Imagine making dua that moment with that sort of faith in Him.

Imagine having those duas been answered and looking back to that day again!

Such is the faith we need to have.
“Never have I failed in my supplication to You Ya Rabb. Never.”

Like flowing water that cleans the stone while also softening it a bit.. The rain softened our hearts as it fell over us. We felt lighter. We prayed more. We cried more. But we also felt so much joy and so much closer to You, ya Rabb.

It was a beautiful gift of a memory I rejoice even now. It makes me smile when I think of it. And I’m so grateful, He made me a part of it.

#Alhamdulillah     #Hajj2019

Close your eyes and think of something that makes you smile and please share it with me below! 🙂

WhatsApp Image 2020-01-13 at 12.14.17 AM

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My child’s future when I’m gone


Very often, we as parents are worried about the future of our children and their upbringing. We choose every thing they are exposed to, consciously. We want the best for them in everything. While we work so hard on them, to physically and spiritually protect them, Allah swt presents us a beautiful story to teach us on who we should be focussed working on – OURSELVES.

In surah Kahf, Musa AS follows Khidr AS in order to gain knowledge from him. In one of the instances, Khidr AS builds a broken wall, in a town that didn’t welcome them or fulfill their needs. When asked, Khidr AS says that beneath the wall was the treasure of two orphan boys whose parents were righteous. And so Allah swt wanted to protect their wealth for them for until they attained maturity.

وَأَمَّا الْجِدَارُ فَكَانَ لِغُلَـمَيْنِ يَتِيمَيْنِ فِى الْمَدِينَةِ وَكَانَ تَحْتَهُ كَنزٌ لَّهُمَا وَكَانَ أَبُوهُمَا صَـلِحاً فَأَرَادَ رَبُّكَ أَن يَبْلُغَآ أَشُدَّهُمَا وَيَسْتَخْرِجَا كَنزَهُمَا رَحْمَةً مِّن رَّبِّكَ وَمَا فَعَلْتُهُ عَنْ أَمْرِى ذَلِكَ تَأْوِيلُ مَا لَمْ تَسْطِـع عَّلَيْهِ صَبْراً

(82. “And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the town; and there was under it a treasure belonging to them; and their father was a righteous man, and your Lord intended that they should attain their age of full strength and take out their treasure as a mercy from your Lord. And I did them not of my own accord. That is the interpretation of those (things) over which you could not be patient.)

We worry so much about our children when Allah swt has granted us the pathway to THEIR successful Akhirah- OUR righteousness.

How much can we handle their affairs while we are just mortal beings but Allah’s safety for them is garanteed even after our death, provided we were righteous.

A righteous person’s offspring will be taken care of, and that the blessing of his worship will extend to them in this world and in the Hereafter. This was stated in the Qur’an and reported in the Sunnah. Sa`id bin Jubayr narrated from Ibn `Abbas: “They were taken care of because their father was a righteous man, although it is not stated that they themselves were righteous.”

Look at the verse again-
فَأَرَادَ رَبُّكَ أَن يَبْلُغَآ أَشُدَّهُمَا وَيَسْتَخْرِجَا كَنزَهُمَا”

Here Khidr AS mentions “your Lord intended” and doesn’t even use the word “we” or “I” intended as opposed to his previous explanations. Clearly explaining to us that no one else will ever be able to shape the destiny of any child except Allah swt. Here, will is attributed to Allah, the Exalted, because no one else is able to bring them to the age of full strength and puberty except Allah SWT.

We hear very often that we can’t pour from an empty jug. And hence we need to work on ourselves before we give others.

Work on the self.  No matter whom you’re nurturing, how busy you are, how hectic it is; making time for yourself and the growth of YOUR OWN SOUL should be your first priority.

Allah says, “O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded.” 66:6

Mentioning ‘YOU’, first. 🙂

When you die as a righteous slave, your child is blessed with Allah’s care long after you’re gone. What else would anyone want for their children?

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When a loved one leaves home 🌹

Recently I was asking my sister if there was a word to describe that hollow empty weird gulpy feeling you get when someone close to you leaves home. We didnt really find a word for it but then I went on to reflect on it.

It was a Mercy from Allah swt that after the creation of Adam AS, He granted him a companion; a spouse, soulmate, lover, whatever you call it.
There is nothing wrong to yearn for your loved one, to feel a shallow emptiness when your loved one leaves, or to grieve the loss of a loved one. Its in the mercy of Allah swt that He grants us these emotions, and legal ways of fulfilling these emotions. :’) 🌹

However, everything deems balance and knowing where to place our love for loved ones vs love for God, needs its balance as well. When this is striven for, then one will know how to deal with that shallow empty feeling when their loved one is away. 💛

When Ibrahim AS left Hajar alone in a desert with their baby, to fulfil his duties, she must have really felt hollow; it shows in her desperation when her child cried of thirst. What would she have been feeling that her loneliness without her husband, her desperation to feed her child, her anxiety of being in a deserted valley made her climb from one mountain to another, not once, not twice but SEVEN times! Had she despaired at the farewell of her loved one instead, she wouldn’t have made history and initiated an act of worship for millions of people and generations to come. She surrendered to the will of her Almighty because she knew where to place the love of Lord and where to place the love of her loved ones. She surrendered to Allahs commands over her desires, no matter how tiring, how trying it kept getting for her.

How beautiful a Mercy from our Lord it is, that to feel empty means our hearts feel love; and to be able to love is from an attribute of the merciful.

Abu Hurayrah RA said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) kissed al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali, when al-Aqra‘ ibn Haabis al-Tameemi was sitting with him. al-Aqra‘ said: I have ten children and I have never kissed one of them. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) looked at him, then he said: “The one who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.” (Sahih Bukhari)

#love #mercy #emptiness #beautifulDeen


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How strong is the nail rooted?

There is one word in the Quran that is so beautiful and deep in teaching us the etiquette of being a student of knowledge. One word; so comprehensive, and so deep.  Such is the Quran; the more closer you learn from it, the more deeper you dive into its ocean of wisdom.

‘Ar Raasikhoona fil ilm’, meaning ‘those who are firmly rooted in knowledge’: Allah swt uses the word ‘Raasikh’ which comes from its roots, ra seen kha; rusookh, giving us the meaning of being firmly grounded, like a nail pinned/hammered so deep into a wall such that even if you hang something heavy on it, it won’t fall, because a large portion of it is pinned in the wall.

Meaning, the one who is firmly rooted in knowledge is not only the one who has a lot of knowledge, but that knowledge is strongly connected to the actions in their lives; there is literally no disconnect between their knowledge and their lives, their words and their actions. In other words: they are firmly rooted in their knowledge that it is manifest through their implementation of it. We see their knowledge in their actions.
And no matter how heavy a matter is hung on the nail, no matter how difficult or tempting a situation they face, the nail doesn’t easily uproot from the wall, they do not easily give in; instead they follow the straight path. Such are the Raasikh, the people who are firmly and deeply rooted in their knowledge.

One can read and study books upon books completely filled with notes, one can have many degrees from big universities, but one is a Raasikh, only when they have fully understood all that knowledge and implemented it and USED it. The more a person acts upon knowledge, the more he remembers it.

Allah SWT describes these people and mentions this word in two places in the Quran. In Surah Ale Imran verse 7 and in Surah Nisa verse 162.

Now, Who are these people? How do we recognize their characteristics or strive to be like them?

But those firm in knowledge among them and the believers believe in what has been revealed to you, [O Muhammad], and what was revealed before you. And the establishers of prayer [especially] and the givers of zakah and the believers in Allah and the Last Day – those We will give a great reward. [Surah Nisa, 162]

  • They believe in the revelations of Allah
  • They firmly establish prayer [Side note: In this verse, the scholars say that this point of establishing salah has been given so much emphasis and honor due to grammatical explanations I won’t go into here] It is sufficient to know that the state of our prayer is a huge criteria of our faith and our level of being a raasikh or not.
  • Are givers of Zakah
  • Believe in Allah and the Last Day

Ibn Al-Mundhir recorded in his Tafsir that Nafi` bin Yazid said, “Those firmly grounded in knowledge are those who are modest for Allah’s sake, humbly seek His pleasure, and do not exaggerate regarding those above them, or belittle those below them.”  They don’t compromise for the sake of others, neither do they seek respect from others; they tell people what is correct and don’t show arrogance or bad character or bias in saying the truth. And they don’t complain if people don’t accept/acknowledge them.

The Prophet SAW was asked about the ‘rasikhooona fil ilm’ and he said he is the one who does not swear false oaths and he speaks the truth and his heart is firm upon faith. [my teacher said this but I can’t find the exact hadeeth online to link here]

Dua of those firmly grounded in knowledge:

Even though they are so deeply and firmly tied to knowledge, they understand the value of being rightly guided and yearn to never lose it, so they make this supplication:

رَبَّنَا لَا تُزِغْ قُلُوبَنَا بَعْدَ إِذْ هَدَيْتَنَا وَهَبْ لَنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ رَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ الْوَهَّابُ

“Our Lord, let not our hearts deviate after You have guided us and grant us from Yourself mercy. Indeed, You are the Bestower. [Ale Imran, 8]

The question now is, how deep is my nail rooted today?

Is it rusted? Is it rotten? Is it falling apart already? or Is it strong enough?

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Fly soul, fly…

Reading the works of the scholars of the past, makes you wonder in awe of how deep they thought and contemplated in every aspect of life. Right now its like a trend to forward and share their quotes right? Sometimes without even internalizing it and sometimes relating to it saying “aah soo truueee”!

I was reflecting on how their lives might have been; so focused, so much self introspection, and so much contemplation.

Because if you think about it, behind the most beautiful, deep and thoughtful writings are hard heartfelt experiences, struggles, failures and successes. They went through it all, fought battles with their souls and with the outer temptations, they recognized their inner and outer enemies and worked on not letting it affect them. They lived ‘consciously’ every day, knowing the state of this world and the test they’re facing. They knew the real deal was to invest in their hereafter and be careful of it.

Did you ever feel that right now the world is so deluded into living their lives on social media? Like a virtual reality that makes one content with the way our profile is, the fame or good thoughts people have of us? Constantly ensuring we are up to date with the rest of the world, we aren’t ‘missing out’, and that our profiles are flawless.

Back then, this virtual reality for those amazing scholars was THIS world. Yes, there was no social media or internet back then. This world in itself was a delusion for them and they focused and fought and strove so hard on not letting it delude them. Hence, now we see mountains and mountains of their BEAUTIFUL works that takes ages to comprehend in depth since its depth can only be understood by those who really try and stand where they were standing back then. Understood by those who truly want to understand what those scholars got of the reality of life.

And the truth is, it is those scholars of the past who understood “virtual reality” very well; That this world is nothing but a delusion. Its like that movie inception we are in now. A virtual reality within a virtual reality. And only some who try and reflect everyday like those few did those days, will truly come out of it successfully.

“Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion.

And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion.” [Surah Ale imran, verse 185]

Oh but here’s the twist. 

Should we then abandon this world and sit in a corner, waiting for death, coz this world means nothing? No!

In one of the chapters of the Qur’an that we are highly recommended to read every single day before retiring for the night, Surah Mulk, Allah SWT tells us of our purpose of being born and raised in this world. Yes! The same world HE calls a delusion. He tells that He created us to test us which of us are perfect in our deeds, which one of us are better in deeds than the rest.  Like a competition, for the hereafter. A few verses after that, He mentions to us as to how He created this world so tame for us to walk on it comfortably, USE it comfortably and use its sustenance!
And how do we make use of this delusional world then? By using it as a tool, a means to attain that which is eternal, that which the scholars of the past strove for.

It is a matter of the intellect to know and use this world for the benefit of our hereafter. And make the BEST out of this world, without despairing.  🙂

Don’t let their praises delude you. Don’t let their criticism delude. Don’t be grieved over the matters of this world. Don’t be overjoyed  with its matters either. O soul, fly!

Fly like a bird, O soul! Take from the earth what you need and rise higher, for your station of settlement isn’t here yet..
Fly; but don’t flee from this world either..


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Life in the little seeds

My friend this morning was talking about the quote we were often taught as a life lesson growing up; “As you sow, so shall you reap’. But she had another perspective to it this time. However, while I let her explain, I was thinking more about sowing. What do we sow and what do we reap. What a huge life lesson did they think they accomplished in teaching us at such a young age? They thought they did but they didn’t.

I sit by my window, hearing the birds chirp while I read to my son. I’m just reading physically, but in my mind, I’m in another world; thinking about the exam I missed this week, the painting order I failed to deliver on time even though its almost complete, and all the ‘failures’ of my life.
Suddenly it starts pouring and my son who was engrossed in what I was reading, gets distracted by the sound of life and the sound of rain by our window. He climbs over my window sill quickly and watches our neem tree enjoying itself in the coolness of the rain. Plants in our terrace all welcoming the much awaited arrival of nature’s water soaking themselves into it; to bloom back to life again. To revive.

‘Its all connected.’ my mind says.

Every moment of our lives, we are sowing seeds. Sometimes, we think we are sowing a particular seed, we know what it will bloom into and aim for it. But it just won’t grow. Its climate, its environment; doesn’t suit it. We try so hard. And then we think we’ve failed. But we haven’t. We are so lost in those little seeds that we forget the rest of the forest we may have nurtured.

Everyday I used to think of how I used to be able to do so much back in the days but time and situations just strangle me and I’m so incapable now to do even the littlest and easiest of things!
But right now, I just sat back and zoomed out of my seed. Out of ‘that which I tried so hard to plant’ and saw instead a beautiful little garden of blooms.

When I was lost in those seeds I thought I failed to grow, there did come a bloom in another part of my garden; Of a little boy loving to read, of a healthy home, of love in the eyes of my spouse and family, of a community of old and young that learnt so much in a few classes, of little girls trying to learn some of my talents, and much more. All these blooms didnt just happen out of no where. They took my time, my effort, my energy, a lot of careful nurturing, and also a lot of external factors. They didn’t just happen.
I just had to zoom out.

When you have so many things on your mental load, sometimes you feel so stressed of underachieving. Again and again you give in, thinking you’ll do it next time. But here’s to those moments you gave up something close to your heart to attend to the needs of your child/near ones. Here’s to all those moments when you had to get something done but was the exact time no one else could handle your child for you and he needed only YOU. Here’s to you- YOU. DIDN’T.FAIL. You just zoomed out of your little seed and made another little garden bloom.

And when you slowly learn to zoom out; what about those seeds that you thought you failed to grow? Trust me; they will will bloom too, just in the right time and phase. Just like that little garden around you RIGHT NOW that you actually toiled so hard for.

There is life in those little seeds. Sow them. Water them. Toil. But take out moments to relax in your little garden of blooms too. :’)



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Maryam’s AS silence.

How do you feel when someone blames you and mocks you for something you didn’t even do? Don’t you feel like screaming out as much as you can to prove yourself right; to prove yourself innocent? What then, if the entire society around you talks about you, slanders upon slanders and noone is ready to believe you? How far would you try and fight for your innocence?
Maryam AS (Mary) comes back to her society holding a baby in her hands. And everyone asks her what a dishonor she brought to her family! Imagine how would it be for her when her Lord and your Lord commands her to fast from talking! What? I can’t even speak up now in my defense? But she did fast. She obeyed. And Allah swt caused a miracle to happen; Prophet Isa AS speaks in the cradle. She didn’t falter even a little in her faith and her obedience to Him, and He didn’t disappoint her.

Sometimes, in silence and true reliance of Allah lies our greatest defense. Sometimes, to be silent is our greatest test.

Sigh. How words of some people just stick to you forever ❤ While listening to Surah AleImran today, the part where Maryam AS is blessed with a son came. It took me to 5 or 6 years ago when Aunty Rifath, a dear one, had reflected on this great test of Maryams AS and her amazing patience to be able BE QUIET. She said this so wonderfully that its stuck to me until now.


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