My friend this morning was talking about the quote we were often taught as a life lesson growing up; “As you sow, so shall you reap’. But she had another perspective to it this time. However, while I let her explain, I was thinking more about sowing. What do we sow and what do we reap. What a huge life lesson did they think they accomplished in teaching us at such a young age? They thought they did but they didn’t.
I sit by my window, hearing the birds chirp while I read to my son. I’m just reading physically, but in my mind, I’m in another world; thinking about the exam I missed this week, the painting order I failed to deliver on time even though its almost complete, and all the ‘failures’ of my life.
Suddenly it starts pouring and my son who was engrossed in what I was reading, gets distracted by the sound of life and the sound of rain by our window. He climbs over my window sill quickly and watches our neem tree enjoying itself in the coolness of the rain. Plants in our terrace all welcoming the much awaited arrival of nature’s water soaking themselves into it; to bloom back to life again. To revive.
‘Its all connected.’ my mind says.
Every moment of our lives, we are sowing seeds. Sometimes, we think we are sowing a particular seed, we know what it will bloom into and aim for it. But it just won’t grow. Its climate, its environment; doesn’t suit it. We try so hard. And then we think we’ve failed. But we haven’t. We are so lost in those little seeds that we forget the rest of the forest we may have nurtured.
Everyday I used to think of how I used to be able to do so much back in the days but time and situations just strangle me and I’m so incapable now to do even the littlest and easiest of things!
But right now, I just sat back and zoomed out of my seed. Out of ‘that which I tried so hard to plant’ and saw instead a beautiful little garden of blooms.
When I was lost in those seeds I thought I failed to grow, there did come a bloom in another part of my garden; Of a little boy loving to read, of a healthy home, of love in the eyes of my spouse and family, of a community of old and young that learnt so much in a few classes, of little girls trying to learn some of my talents, and much more. All these blooms didnt just happen out of no where. They took my time, my effort, my energy, a lot of careful nurturing, and also a lot of external factors. They didn’t just happen.
I just had to zoom out.
When you have so many things on your mental load, sometimes you feel so stressed of underachieving. Again and again you give in, thinking you’ll do it next time. But here’s to those moments you gave up something close to your heart to attend to the needs of your child/near ones. Here’s to all those moments when you had to get something done but was the exact time no one else could handle your child for you and he needed only YOU. Here’s to you- YOU. DIDN’T.FAIL. You just zoomed out of your little seed and made another little garden bloom.
And when you slowly learn to zoom out; what about those seeds that you thought you failed to grow? Trust me; they will will bloom too, just in the right time and phase. Just like that little garden around you RIGHT NOW that you actually toiled so hard for.
There is life in those little seeds. Sow them. Water them. Toil. But take out moments to relax in your little garden of blooms too. :’)