In a trance.

“O Allah show me my reality, not as how people view me, not as how I perceive myself to be, but as how YOU see me…”

Actually I didn’t complete my statement. Half way through I was so afraid, so terrified to see my reality unveiled to me..I broke into dry tears as I felt my eyes cringe but didn’t feel any tear drop. My body shook with fear. I opened my eyes, still lying in the same position of prostration. Dark; Felt like a dark haven of painful comfort. Was terrified to lift myself up to see my above asked Dua (supplication) answered; To see the dirt off me in front of me. Right there, I get a flashback of all my sins and mistakes; ungratefulness for all the gifts He has bestowed me with…

Yet still, I didn’t want to stay there longer, as much as I wanted to remain there. I felt my heart thump like it had life for the first time. I felt a pinch of pain. A physical pain. How does The Most Merciful allow someone as hollow and sinful and messed up as me to go close, so close to Him (in sajdah)…Eyes still dry…My head is banging, yet my mind feels at peace to just remain there. Still speechless and tearless, I lift my heaviness up finally.

……………….

“This is hard. Oh Allah show me YOUR reality instead.”

As my reality was unveiled thousands of years ago in one line: “And man was created weak” . Weak in structure, weak in emotions, weak in understanding and weak in not knowing his own fate…

And Allah wants to lighten for you [your difficulties]; and mankind was created weak. [Surah AnNisa, 28]

What we show of our weakness is for Him to know we submit. What we cry for, is His mercy.

Weakness before Him is empowerment…

Subhanahu, He who forgives us just by uttering the words of seeking forgiveness! No rituals around fires, no blood shed and no torture and physical pain!

‏ الْمُؤْمِنُ الْقَوِيُّ خَيْرٌ وَأَحَبُّ إِلَى اللَّهِ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنِ الضَّعِيفِ وَفِي كُلٍّ خَيْرٌ احْرِصْ عَلَى مَا يَنْفَعُكَ وَاسْتَعِنْ بِاللَّهِ وَلاَ تَعْجِزْ فَإِنْ أَصَابَكَ شَىْءٌ فَلاَ تَقُلْ لَوْ أَنِّي فَعَلْتُ كَذَا وَكَذَا ‏.‏ وَلَكِنْ قُلْ قَدَّرَ اللَّهُ وَمَا شَاءَ فَعَلَ فَإِنَّ ‏”‏ لَوْ ‏”‏ تَفْتَحُ عَمَلَ الشَّيْطَانِ ‏

“The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: ‘The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, although both are good. Strive for that which will benefit you, seek the help of Allah, and do not feel helpless. If anything befalls you, do not say, “if only I had done such and such” rather say “Qaddara Allahu wa ma sha’a fa’ala (Allah has decreed and whatever he wills, He does).” For (saying) ‘If’ opens (the door) to the deeds of Satan.'” [Sahih]

And where does the strong believer draw his strength from anyway?!

Does he have something anyone else doesn’t have? Did Allah give him strength and He won’t give me? :’)

That’s HIS reality, unveiled like mine, thousands of years ago…